break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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