i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
