My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
And then my night got REAL pukey
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
