She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
