3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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