where does the pee come out of this thing
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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