We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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