Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
