No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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