Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
