my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
