so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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