Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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