Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
