people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
