I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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