is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
