dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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