i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
