I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
