I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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