...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
