FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
