New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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