I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
