you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
