its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
We are all done wearing pants today
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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