So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
