I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Randomize
