??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
