thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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