you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I touched a dick in church today
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
