my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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