On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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