You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize