there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
