think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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