Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
