Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
