I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
