well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
