sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She told me I should be a condom model.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
