actually, I'm a sock model
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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