I'm laying in your front yard are you home
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
