I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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