she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
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I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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