Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
