He is an equal opportunity slut.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
