the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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