I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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