just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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