it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She even gives head with a lisp.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
