yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
So many bounce houses so little time
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Randomize
