you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Randomize
