Clothes are such an inconvenience.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
