my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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