I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
