If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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