There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
