Pappa wants mamma naked
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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