just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He shit in the fireplace
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
