those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
