Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize