I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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