Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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