real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i was born a porn star she said
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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