she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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