whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
