There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
