alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
