while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
