you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
True strength comes from lack of pants
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
