You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
