You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
