So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
