allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
