Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
