Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
