I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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