it was like his penis was on wheels.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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