I just pynch a tree in the face
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Slut skills are useful in every country.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
