He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
