We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
