he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
